The Wooster Collective discovered this off the city of Santa Ana website this weekend. I think this made my Monday.
I already see the SNL skit.
Tina Fey acting as an assaulting suburban mother of a future budding Banksy who we'll call Seymour, a mixed media prodigy of 8 years old. Kid walks into the kitchen one morning to find his mother raiding his backpack while holding a picture of "Is your Child a tagger?"
"Seymour, I'm a little concerned that you're starting to look like a tagger." She holds up a Molotow burner marker, upset. "You told me you needed these for school!"
"No, mom, I'm creating a modern representational stencil of YOU for your birthday! You know Crayolas suck."
"Seymour, you entirely fit every characteristic of the profile on this flyer. Can you tell me why you insist on dressing like a tagger every morning?"
"Mom, you always told me to dress like I want. Hoodies are comfy. Everyone wears jeans. Look at your Jack's..Does it look so strange? Why did you not care when I pretended to be LOL Cats last fall and wore a tail for a month? You told me - Seymour I love you, you're precocious!"
"That's...true...I just don't understand...but look here, the city council thinks you look like a tagger."
"Mom, don't you understand? I'm just trying to be myself."
Her husband looks up from his coffee smiling. He is mega-me - dressed in a larger version of his son's outfit.
Seymour manages to escape his mother's interrogation and makes it out of the house, with his very large backpack with a LOL Cats sticker. Then he gets to the end of his block where he runs into the entire crew, all identically clothed. "Ready to tag those city council member cars before creating a new costume?" a 4th grader asks.
"Yeah, we're going to have to choose something more clever..."
"Did you bribe your nanny to buy us some spray?" another named Michael asks.
"No, my dad did it!" Seymour boasts.
"You know it!" Around the corner, a crew of the kid's fathers skid around, Run DMC booming out their Toyotas on their own mission with bandannas over their faces.
"Your dad is way cool," Tommy tells Seymour.
In unison, the children all trigger their hoodies, raise their bandannas, and adjust their gloves. Tommy brings out a rainbow pens, Michael gets out a can of black spray and Seymour takes out a new stencil with the lettering, "Freedom of Scratch" as a tagger theme song begins to play.
For more of the fine print, check out the extended.
From the Santa Ana website:
* Your child is in the age group statistically associated with tagging, ages 12-18.
* Your child has tagging written on their clothing such as their shoes or inside their baseball cap, schoolbooks, notebooks, backpacks, cd covers, and on their bedroom furniture or walls.
* Your child frequently wears baggy pants or carries a large backpack. These are used to carry cans of spray-paint, various colors and types of magic markers, etching tools, slap tags and cameras to take photos of their taggings. The clothes and backpack may be paint stained.
* Your child has large quantities of magic markers in various colors, types and sizes, spray-paint cans, shoe polish containers, or dot markers used to mark bingo cards.
* Your child has or carries tools used for etching glass or mirror surfaces such as spark plug porcelain, drill bits, screwdrivers with a sharpened tip, small rocks, or any other type of sharp instrument.
* Your child has large quantities of “Hello My Name Is” stickers, priority mail stickers, or number or letter stickers. These stickers may have drawings or a tagging moniker written on them. These stickers are used to “slap tag.” They are slapped upon a surface and are difficult to remove and generally leave a residue.
* Your child has the same moniker or set of letters written repeatedly on the above-described material. This may be your child’s tagging moniker and tagging crew’s initials.
* Your child is frequently deceitful about their activities and cannot adequately explain why they possess the above described items.
* Your child stays out late at night or has taken to sneaking out of the house.
* Your child frequently has paint or marker residue on their fingertips.
* Your child has or carries a black artist notebook that contains tagging or drawings. These books are called “bibles” or “piece books.”
* Your child frequently visits tagging websites on the computer, owns tagging magazines, or has photographs of tagging in their bedroom.
* Your child has the same tagging on their schoolbooks, clothing or in their bedroom that you see in your neighborhood or surrounding area. Taggers generally tag in or near their own neighborhoods.
* Your child associates with other people who exhibit these same traits. These other people may be members of your child’s “tagging crew.”